• #116 #117 #118 #119 #120 #121


    DESTROYER #116 THE FINAL REEL

    CHARACTERS

    Jullian Styles-TV chef and star of The Master Culinarian.

    Jimmy Fitzsimmons-Seller of pirated video tapes including Star Wars.

    Actor who played a dopey but lovable bartender on an old TV show, Salud, who becane a major movie star.

    Ohmay sin-Khalam-Sultan of Ebla, a small country near Israel on the Anatolic Corridor.

    Assola al Khobar-Multimillionaire Saudi terrorist working with Khalam.

    Hank Bindle and Bruce Marmelstein-Production heads of Taurus Studios.

    Ian-Their secretary and scapegoat.

    Helena Eckert-US Secretary of State.

    Hugh-her aide.

    Tom Roberts-Star of Hairlip Salvation.

    Susan Saranwrap-His common law wife and star of Zelma and Patrice.

    Stan Ronaldman and Cokie-TV news reporters.

    Frank H. Hanlon-LAPD Lt.

    Gharib Zambur-Arab terrorist.

    Reggie "Lips" Cagliari-Union organizer and former member of Pubescio crime family who has a very interesting method of extracting information from people.

    Mundir Fadil Hamza-Ebla Finance Minister.

    Taha al-Sattar-Ebla banker.

    Stewart Sanger-US navy captain.

    Aryeh Sarid-Tel Aviv taxi driver.

    Jack Connell-LAPD sgt. on bomb squad.

    FACTS

    Remo can vibrate his facial muscles so fast as to make himself unrecognizable.

    Aliases, Remo Blodnik and Remo Gates.

    Remo can use a screwdriver but takes him 20 minutes to do a simple job.

    Chiun still likes Rowan Atkison.

    Chiun has written another screenplay.

    Remo introduses new techniques, the Astounding Disappearing Ears trick and the Baghdad Crunch.

    Planet Hollywood is referred to as Global Movieland but later Planet Hollywood is called by name.

    QUOTES

    What you do not know could fill volumes.

    Duh.

    Oh, Dudley Dimwit of the Mounties.

    When one wishes to see, it helps to keep one's eyes open.

    How do you work this thing? asked Remo Masterfully, replied the Master.

    If ignorence is bliss, Hollywood's got to be the happiest place on earth.

    PLOT

    The dying Sultan of Ebla wants to exact revenge on the US. His target is Hollywood. He also has a war planned for the middle east if his US plans are interfered with. Remo can't stop one plan without starting another. What cann the Destroyer do?

    THOUGHTS

    This one is really fun to read. Jim Mullaney continues to do great work on the series. Yes, there are some plot similarities to a previous Destroyer novel but they are slight. The adventure has much more going for it than a bogus movie masking an invasion.


    DESTROYER #117 DEADLY GENES

    CHARACTERS

    Judith White-Genetic engineer who develops the Bos Camelus-Whitus, aka BBQ.

    Todd Grautski-Chapter 2 target for Remo. He is also called The Collablaster, the mailer of bombs.

    Kershaw Ferngard-Cellmate to Grautski. Known as the Long Island Railroad Killer. Remo does him, too.

    Linus Feculant-Fighter of racial injustice.

    Hal Ketchum-Bookstore owner thought to have been killed by the BBQ.

    Orrin Merkel-Microbiologist at Bostonbio.

    Sadie Mayer-Secretary for HETA, Humans for the Egalitarian Treatment of Animals.

    Curt Julle-Head of HETA.

    Sally Edmunds-TV news reporter in Boston.

    Billy Pierce-Filthy HETA sympathizer.

    Clyde Simmons, Ron DePew, Sam, Mona, and Huey Janner-Animal rights activists.

    Bryce Babcock-Secretary of the Interior.

    Elizabeth O'Malley-Hospital nurse.

    Ted Hobson, Evan Cleaver, and Bob-BBQ hunters.

    Dan MacQuire-State trooper.

    FACTS

    Alias Remo Post, agriculture agent, also called Hank Kimble, the ag agent from the old TV show Green Acres, an old favorite of Mr. Mullaney, I guess.

    Chiun has a huge phone bill to Hollywood, 587.42.

    Remo makes a White House intern joke.

    It has been 8 years since Remo's last plastic surgery.

    TV shows mentioned are The Olden Girls, and The Sherry Taylor Hoore Show.

    Castle Sinanju is mentioned and is also called the Quincy Condominium.

    Judith uses Pam Push On Nails.

    A Mike Tyson type episode occurs when an ear is bitten off and eaten.

    Mullaney mixes his metaphors by mentioning the Scooby Gang and Spider sense in the same sentence.

    Chiun calls generic brands, genetic.

    Remo kills a guy by stuffing his woolen cap down his throat.

    Chiun still has his fish cellar.

    Remo remembers an old enemy, Sheila Feinberg.

    Chiun knows who Bambi is, so I guess he has watched Disney movies.

    Remo must be a Letterman fan because he mentions tupid Pet Tricks.

    Remo gets hot enough to sweat.

    HISTORY

    Master Na-Kup the Discoverer brought camels to Sinanju 3000 years ago.

    Master Cho Lin discovered the Cockatoo, the speaking bird.

    QUOTES

    I am an assassin not a washer of cars.

    The eye only see what it expects to see. Remo

    Think kung-fu times about a billion. Remo

    I pee standing up. Remo

    That's not Lassie, and you aren't exactly Timmy. Remo

    Remo has lived a lifetime of forgets.

    Silence is golden, especially coming from you.

    Shiva must walk with care when he passes the jungle where lurks the other night tigers.

    PLOT

    A breakthrough in genetic engineering has seemingly produced an answer to the world's food supply. Trouble is, they appear to have turned violent and have escaped. Remo goes in search and meets a very interesting lady. What seems to be a very easy assignment turns very dangerous for The Destroyer.

    THOUGHTS

    Good story, drawing from Remo's past. A little more serious adventure than usual. Chiun doesn't play as big a part but he still shows his importance to Remo.


    DESTROYER #118 KILLER WATTS

    CHARACTERS

    Elizu Roote-Army private used as a guinea pig in an unauthorized experiment to make a perfect soldier. He is also a cold blooded killer who now has amazing powers thanks to the experiment.

    Delbert Xavier (Old Ironbutt) Chesterfield-General behind the transformation of Roote.

    Elber-Army corporal killed by Roote.

    Gino-Guard for the chp 2 assignment.

    Ennio Ticardi-Killer of the chp two assignment.

    Hy Solomon-Chp 2 assignment, a mob accountant who was supposed to be protected by Remo but he arrived too late.

    Fisher and Hamill-Corporals sent to find Roote.

    Tommy-Bartender kiled by Roote.

    Arthur Ford-UFO nut who at first thinks Chiun is Obi Wan Kenobi.

    Arnold Grant-Army doctor who examines Remo.

    Bobby Jack Balbo, akd Beta Ram-UFO nut leader at Camp Earth. He communicates with Salvion, a being of light from planet Tragg and enemy of Squilta.

    Walter Malpa-Member of camp Earth.

    FACTS

    Remo does a Tarzan yell as he swings on a cable. Nice to know that Remo has a literary side.

    Smitty tells Remo that he is not a "one man war against the Mafia". Maybe Smitty has a literary side, too and reads Executioner books.

    Remo's alias is Remo Halper.

    Smitty's alias is Harold Jones, FBI.

    There are Star Wars, Star Trek, X-Files, Mork and Mindy, Robby the Robot and many other SF references in this book due to the nature of the UFO watcher people in New Mexico, or as Chiun calls it Upstart Mexico.

    Remo's nervous system is said to be complicated enough to be extraterrestrial.

    Remo's skin and muscles will not allow a blood sample to be taken while he is unconscious.

    Lots of space watcher groups are named in the book. Some of them are; Alien Guards, Alien Sentries, Alien Watchers, Camp Alpha, Camp Beta, Camp Gamma, and Camp Earth.

    QUOTES

    Be all that you can be. Remo

    Even Robert Frost laughs at Ung. Remo

    You will never assassinate in this town again.

    How's it hanging, Eisenhower? Remo

    A war is not an excuse for discourtesy.

    It tastes as it tastes. Chiun
    It tastes like goat piss. Remo
    Who has told you the secret ingredient? Chiun

    Har de har har

    I am not going to stand out in the desert with you all night playing the world famous Remo Williams "You Think" game.

    Knowledge is no doubt scarcer than hen's teeth.

    It is fun to pull rank.

    This crazed gander pursuit.

    One dung beetle is indistinguishable from another.

    HISTORY

    Master Cung and the importance of breathing properly. Cung retired due to poor health and let his pupil take over but the pupil was killed. Cung had to unretire but was weak until he corrected his breathing.

    PLOT

    An army experiment to bulid the perfect soldier goes askew. The soldier is made into a super conductor of electricity and his power is awesome. Problem is, the guinea pig is a psycho who loves killing and goes on a rampage. He weakens and almost kills Remo. How can Chiun stop him? Can Chiun stop him?

    THOUGHTS

    Great villain. Great action. Great humor. Great book. Only tiny flaw is the ease with which the villain damages Remo. It has happened to Remo before though. He tends to underestimate his opponents at times.


    DESTROYER #119 FADE TO BLACK

    CHARACTERS

    Hank Bindle and Bruce Marmelstein-Producers for Taurus Studios.

    Walter Anderson, his son Mike, daughter Alice, and wife Penny-Victims in the scheme to build box office receipts by have real crimes depicted in movies.

    Frederick Jonston-Police lieutenant.

    Shawn Allen Morris-Producer at Cabbagehead Productions and former canteen truck driver.

    Quintly Tortilli-Crazy director of films such as Penny Dreadful aand From Noon Till Night.

    Jann Revolta-Star of I'm Talking To You, Too, whose career was resurrected by Penny Dreadful.

    Stefan Schoenburg and George Locutus-Director and producer of Hollywood mega-hits.

    Leaf Randolph-Son of Macroware software giant who enjoys killing.

    Ben "Brown" Brownstein and Jackie Farris-Friends of Leaf.

    Polly Schien-Another victim, blown up in an office building.

    Edward-One of the bomb installers.

    Reginald Hardwin-Actor turned murderer for the movies.

    Arlen Duggal-Assisstant director of Chiun's movie, Assassin's Love.

    Chester Gecko-Another of the murderers for hire.

    Lester Craig and William Scott Cain-Deliverer of bombs to blow up the studio where Chiun is.

    Kelli-Taurus secretary.

    Ian-Bindle and Marmelstein assisstant.

    Lance Wallace-Star of the Die Down movies.

    Patricia Ireland-MPAA inspector.

    Plover-FBI agent.

    Bernie Leffer-Hollywood agent for Reginald.

    Lee W. Matson-AKA Captain Kill, mercenary hired from his ad in Guns and Blammo.

    Mrs. Patterson-His former guidance counselor.

    Randolph Gillotti-NY mayor.

    J Harry Osmond-Presidential assassin.

    Rubin Dolomo-Author of Diarrhetics.

    FACTS

    All sorts of cultural items are satirized in this book from Plotz rental cars to the TeeVee Fatties, Poopsy-Woopsy (the gay one), Tipsy, Wee-Wee, and Doh.

    Remo aliases, Remo Valenti, Mr. Desk Hater, and my personal favorite out of all the aliases in all 119 books, Remo Barkman. My last name being Barkman may have a little to do with my bias here.

    Remo is not paying complete attention again, someone sees him climbing a building.

    Smitty says there have been two presidents who had neither integrity nor decency.

    Remo still uses the multiple one code for the telephone and still has the rotating wrist syndrome.

    Remo cannot operate a radio in a limo.

    Chiun wears an outlandish old fashioned police uniform to be in his movie. I would love to see this.

    Remo realizes that Smitty does mean a lot to him.

    Code name for the president and first lady is Big Creep and Shrieker.

    Remo puts a metal ID tag down a guys throat, sideways.

    Chiun loves Japonica rice.

    Chiun says that a Korean invented the airplane. This can be read about in a book called The Thieving Wrights, Where They Went Wrong.

    Chiun calls Hollywood, "the woods of holly".

    Chiun cuts a huge desk in half by scoring it with a fingernail and slapping each side of the cut much to the chagrin of Bindle and Marmelstein.

    Remo holds Tortilli up by his neck chains and then spins him around.

    Remo quiets a street musician by punting his guitar amp a half a mile.

    Remo attaches a beer bottle to a guy's nose.

    Mullaney works titles of movies into the book not as titles of movies but as part of the story. Examples that I noticed were reservoir dogs and natural born killers. There may be others.

    Characters mention Otis the town drunk, Horshak, and Jethro Bodine. These are American TV characters.

    Remo pulls the top of a man's skull off.

    QUOTES

    A starving man is not sated by the mere promise of food.

    NC-17, Remo says "It means no crap or I break 17 bones."

    This is your brain. This is your brain on the floor. Remo

    Guns don't kill people, I kill people. Remo

    If you didn't like him (the president) you shouldn't have voted for Perot. Remo

    It must have taken a cheerleader with a milk bone to get him and fido out of that closet. Remo

    There is a time to endure the braying of jackasses and there is a time to talk turkey. Lesser Wang

    Must have hired Gary Coleman's accountant

    Duck is always nice.

    Blind whores have better taste. Remo

    Return to work immediately or you will never breathe in this town again.

    Horshak carried you. Remo

    I'm sure whoever invented Roman Numerals is committing suicide right now. Remo on sequels

    Order up two hundred body bags.

    What is it that I am correct about this time?

    Fashion is fleeting but style is timeless.

    There are enemies lurking around every corner.

    Knock it off, you ninnies. Remo

    You must put sugar in your Cap'n Crunch. Remo

    Another day and he would have had my hero dangling from the Statue of Liberty or straddling a tree trunk.

    I am cursed with too trusting a soul.

    The White House is safe once more for Chinese arms dealers and South American drug lords. Remo

    That's showbiz, sweetheart. Remo

    Remo the Boom Wielding Master; the Adventure Begins.

    That's the stupidest frigging subtitle in motion-picture history.

    PLOT

    Slasher movie plots seem to be happening in real life. No big news except these are happening before the movies are released. Remo has to find out who is behind these killings and why. Meanwhile, Chiun is busy getting his movie made, at the very studio where bombs are set to blow.

    THOUGHTS

    Nice wrap up for the Chiun movie subplot of some earlier books. No big super villain but Remo still has his hands full. This book has a lot of great satire on the movie and TV industries. The only gripe I would have is there is not enough Remo-Chiun byplay.


    DESTROYER #120 THE LAST MONARCH

    CHARACTERS

    Former President and his wife, the Ice Queen-He has alzeimers and suddenly remembers everything, including CURE.

    Susan Saranwrap, Tom Roberts, Ron Silver, Cheri, Mace Scree-Hollywood activists.

    Hal Shittman-Activist minister.

    Aging pop queen whose career sagged and so has he stomach.

    Dr Kahler-Treats the ex-president after his accident.

    Konchacata Badaddada-TV news reporters.

    Jerry Glover and Bright Sunshiny Ralph-Earthpeace workers.

    Brad Hayward ie Brad Mesosphere-Head of Earthpeace.

    John Blizzard-Secret Service agent.

    Shirley Magruder Jacklan-Congresswoman.

    Nossur Aruch-Leader of PIO, Palestine Independence Organization.

    Fatang-PIO worker.

    Saddam Hussein-Chairman of the Revolutionary Command Council.

    Bryce Babcock-Secretary of the Interior and has a bad kidney problem.

    Dr Ree Hop Doe-Scientist/spy who steals the bomb from Los Alamos.

    Mark Howard-Langley AFB satellite tracker who has less control over satellites than Smitty.

    Jason Harris-US admiral on the USS Ronald Reagan.

    FACTS

    Police fear to get involved in a riot for fear of racist accusations.

    Smitty gave the ex-president the phone code that Remo uses. I assume it gives it to all presidents while in office but why didn't Clinton have it when phone line went down?

    Remo rents movies from Bombshell Video.

    Remo is scared by Chiun when he comes home from the video store. Chiun hides and slows his heart beat so Remo will not know he is there.

    Chiun's movie is released on video and Chiun's name on the credits is Mt Chin. Chiun is none too happy.

    President "Peanut Boy" is mentioned and his Hovels for Humans program.

    Chiun refers to the present president as the corpulent marionette.

    Alias is Remo Blodnick undersecretary of the Treasury Dept. I still like the Remo Barkman alias in 119.

    Remo refers to Maynard G. Krebbs from the old Dobie Gillis show.

    Chiun takes out his anger on seagulls.

    Smitty uses a General Smith alias.

    Chiun still worries about the left wing of airplanes.

    Smitty can control satellites.

    Chiun impresses an admiral with his knowledge of Amir-al-bahr prince of the sea.

    Chiun drops Remo's rice and says it slipped, as if Chiun could allow something to slip unless on purpose.

    Chiun becomes ecstatic when he thinks Smitty orders Remo to kill the president.

    There is finally an explantion as to wy the empty basin technique is only used on presidents and not on anyone else who learns of CURE.

    Smitty still enjoys his prune whip yogurt but doesn't have the lemon topping.

    Chiun pulls the arms off Aruch and claps his head between the palms and explodes his head.

    HISTORY

    Master Suo-Lok worked for an Egyptian family, the Mamelukes, in the 1400s. The rulers son plotted to kill his father and told his girlfriend. She threatens to tell the father so the son has Suo-Lok to do the empty basin technique on her before she can tell anything. Later, she hit her head and remembers. Chiun tricks Remo into listening to the story by saying love caused her to regain her memory.

    QUOTES

    Prancing about the countryside like a retarded grasshopper.

    I am like a duck. Everything runs off my back.

    I wouldn't sit on that with your ass. Remo

    Think quieter.

    Answer it or it will not go away.

    Ted Kennedy laughs at your driving.

    Observe, o educated one.

    A dog never tires of smelling the same mound of excrement.

    PLOT

    There are actually a couple of plots here. A crazed ecology group kidnaps a fromer president and steals a dangerous weapon and they have plans for using both. Remo is sent not just to find the president but to make sure he forgets everything again, one way or another.

    THOUGHTS

    This is a very good story. Some old mistakes are explained in a realistic manner. There is some more Sinanju history told and Remo and Chiun are very entertaining.


    DESTROYER #121 A POUND OF PREVENTION

    CHARACTERS

    Kwaanga-Chief od ancient Luzu who dealt with Master Nuk.

    Master Nuk the Unwise-Helped the Luzu to greatness.

    Russell Copefield-Ambassador for the Cali cartel, killed as an example for others.

    Jamon Albondigas-La Cosina drug lord.

    Sham Tokumo-Ambassador for the Yakuza.

    Willie Mandobar-East African leader.

    Brad Miller-Chapter 2 victim who had killed baby Karen.

    Ellen Carlson-Mother of baby Karen.

    Grandma Carlson-Ellen's grandmother who has visions of Remo's future.

    The Seasonings, Tramp, Trollop, Ho, Slut-So called singing group with eternally pregnant members who are in east Africa to perform without former member Strumpet.

    Kmpali-Former East Africa presidant.

    Batubizee-Luzu chief.

    Bubu-His son and Yogi's friend according to Remo.

    Nunzio Spumoni-Very sweaty Camorra representative.

    Piceno Spumoni-His cousin.

    Don Vincenzo-Camorra leader.

    L Vas Deferens-East Africa defense minister, Remo calls him Elvis.

    Johnny "Books" Fungillo-Renaldi family soldier.

    Jimmy "Mooch" Muchelli and Bobby DiGardino-Renaldi soldiers.

    V D Pecher-Soldier.

    O C Stiggs-Last white president of East Africa.

    I P Freeley-East African lieutenant.

    O U Queene-Assisstant Chief of Staff.

    F U Gudgel-Former member of defense ministry.

    Don Giovanni-Leader of Sicilian Mafia.

    Master Who Never Was-Song, son of Chiun.

    FACTS

    Remo looks to be in his 30s.

    Remo is experiencing the final stages of Master's Disease, which hits every 15th generation. He feels responsible for all the world and keeps seeing visions of a phantom Korean child who calls himself the Master Who Never Was.

    Chiun has 14 steamer trunks but only takes 9 to Africa, he packs light.

    When someone tries to stab Remo, his muscles fill with blood to make his flesh unyielding to the blade.

    Chiun shows an amazing feat of strength and skill when he throws a spear and a machete and while in flight, the machete splits the spear flies on and splits a tree and the two halves of the spear stick in the two halves of the tree.

    Remo fuses a guys fingers to a dashboard.

    Remo plays Lodestones with the Master Who Never Was.

    Smitty is off his yogurt and has some chicken broth.

    Previous attempts at crime consolidation are mentioned, Bay City, New Jersey, and Scambia.

    The US president makes a veiled threat that could mean he is thinking of ending CURE.

    Remo's body automatically shuts off its pores before Remo enters water.

    Remo runs completely around a tunnel, up one side across the roof and down the other side.

    Chiun disables a nuclear device.

    HISTORY

    Master Nuk the Unwise-There were few emperors in Nuk's time and there was fear for Sinanju's babies. Nuk went to the Luzu and accepted promise of payment which made him unwise. He helped the Luzu to become great and was paid well later but it is still not a good idea to accept a promise. This is the gift of Nuk, accept prompt payment, failure to do so is unforgivable, worse is to extend credit. Nuk even sold Sinanju skills with weapons to the Luzu.

    Pharoah Ikhnaton was the last to whom Sinanju skills were sold.

    QUOTES

    Who died and made you Sherlock Holmes? Chiun

    Sinanju is my business. Remo

    Tattletale Chiun

    It's time for Lancelot Link to surrender his opposable thumbs. Remo

    Whoop-de-do for you.

    Advertising's for amateurs without reputations.

    To avoid all progress is to be mired hopelessly in the past. Chiun

    Politicians are notorious liars, presidents doubly so.

    Johnny Weissmuller wanna-bes. Remo

    You've flown off on some crazy Edgar Rice Burroughs safari.

    Some of the most confident people I've ever met were also the dumbest. You ever hear of Kim Bassinger?

    Stay away from my pick-a-nick basket.

    He considers himself a wit, he is only half right. Chiun

    No one possesses skills greater than the Master of Sinanju. Remo

    Remo is not given to many thoughts, so when one roots in his granite skull, it is difficult to dislodge. Chiun

    I don't give a wet fart in a windbreaker. Remo

    Wanna see something I saw in a really bad movie once? (He then pokes a guy in the eye through the lens of a gas mask. Hint hint)

    PLOT

    There seems to be a new plan to organize all the crime families in the world into one. The leaders of all of the groups are assembled in East Africa to work it all out. One of the groups seems to have a different idea, though. Remo wants to let all of them get nuked. All this is happening while Chiun is working on an old contracted promise from Sinanju.

    THOUGHTS

    This is another good one. It starts off like a redo of an early Destroyer adventure but takes a very different turn. There is a lot of Sinanju history and tradition in this book, too. And, for all of you who wonder about Remo's family and his duty to train the next master, well that is mentioned in this book with a possible hint to a future storyline.

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